Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
