on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
