You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
