$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
