Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
