You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
