My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
