nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize