JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
