My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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