I wannas sexs uuuuu
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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