I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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