Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
