Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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