I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
