Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
