Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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