hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
