$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
