She is in my trunk
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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