Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
