Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
