the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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