We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dicks are not precious.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
