I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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