Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize