I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
