Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
