He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
