so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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