Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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