My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
