I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
