Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
