my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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