I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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