this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
