i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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