life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
