I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
