I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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