In the future we'll all be gay
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
