Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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