The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
porn star boner night. come get it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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