Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
