I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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