i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
