Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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