just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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