i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
