doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
