Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
