im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
