tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
