Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
