Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
