The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I want her autograph on my taint
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
