Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
