He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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