Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
