it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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