Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
