I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
