If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
