Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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