im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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