I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
