we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She tied me up with her honor cords...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
