I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
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