he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
