I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
