sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He better not be in your backpack
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I love you. Go after that dick
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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